a shattered illusion

When I decided to travel to South Africa for my first semester of junior year, I believed I would be entering a newly enlightened country. I thought that it had thrown the past aside and was only moving forward. Once I arrived, I realized my idealist perspective was just that, ideal, and that South Africans were just beginning to change apartheid ways. Since studying at SIT and living in Cato Manor, I have encountered multiple situations where I was unsure whether apartheid really had ended. These situations have been in both white and black context and each has seized to shock and amaze me.A few of these events have left a lasting impression on my optimistic mind. One of thee events took place on our group trip to the south coast. We stayed at an amazing little hostel situated right by the ocean. The atmosphere was incredibly calming from both a mix of the smell of the sea to the silence of the night. A man named Eric ran the Hostel. Although he was a French migrant to South Africa, he had lived in the country during the apartheid era. All the staff besides Eric where black South Africans. The main staff members name was Musa. He worked with his head down towards the ground and spoke so softly it was nearly impossible to hear him. Eric would summon Musa with a wave of his finger and expect Musa be at his side in seconds. Eric acted as if Musa was his servant.

On our last morning, I was sitting alone inside on the couches. I was peacefully reading my book “Coconut” trying to get some space from the group. While I was reading Eric stormed into the living room walked over to the kitchen door and summoned Musa with his usual hand wave. Startled by the loud footsteps, I looked up from my book. Musa, being busy, did not see Eric. Eric, once again, waved his finger and yelled Musas name. “Is a wave not enough Musa? Must I now also you to me as well,” yelled Eric in a demeaning tone. “ Are you a child Musa? Must I work with imbeciles who embarrass me and upset my guests?” Being his only guest and far from upset I had no clue why Eric was so angry. However, I was to afraid and shocked to come to Musas aid and his behind my book until the scolding was finished and I could scamper outside unnoticed. I could not get the conversation out of my mind for the rest of the day.

This final event showed me how attached South Africa is to its apartheid ways. I believe Eric considers himself superior to his staff both because he owns the hostel and is white. Being shocked out of my naivety and into reality has left me to feel scared thatchange will never come to this nation. I know I have come to South Africa to witness the change first hand but I currently feel no hope for the older generation of this country. I also fear for the younger generation such as Musa. He could not have been older than 25. Meaning Musa only spent 9 years of his life under true apartheid rule. If he is treated by whites as nothing but the trash that sweeps the mess of the floor than he will be destined to a black inferiority complex. This complex is detrimental to black South Africans and is passed from one generation to the next. After such an emotionally startling event, I have misgivings about the ability for South Africa to leave its past behind.

After experiencing an event such as this, I am stuck wondering what I could have done differently. Should I have stopped Eric? How would Musa have felt if I told him, I was not angry? Where was my place in this interaction and should I have takena more critical role in it. After analyzing my feelings and having time to reconsider the situation, I believe I did the right thing. It is not my place to try to change South Africa. I am here to understand the conflict and hypothesize about the bright future of South Africa. I have come to the country to learn about the social and political development of the country so I can go on to help assist countries in the future with their own development. Maybe one day I will come back to South Africa and tackle the apartheid racism from a structured social context. However for now, I am hear to be an observer and understand as much as I can about the good and bad South Africa has to offer.